121 replies to this topic

[LizasLilProtege]

Well then, as a writer, I'm sure you know that the topic name should be "Are You an Author?", but I'll let it slide. ;)Anyway, yes! I do write. I wrote my first story at 3 or 4 years old (although, it was me dictating to my mom, since I didn't have handwriting down yet ), and have never stopped! I write all sorts of things, but keep getting told I ought to try getting a job screenwriting for one of the myriad of medical drama series on tv, as that seems to be my niche.

[le456]

Yes, I am a writer. I have started trying to write several stories, but, due to procrastination, I haven't gotten very far with any of them. I normally write in the fantasy genre unless it is for an essay in school.

[Apirant]

If by writer you mean someone who tries to type a chapter which ends up to be a thousand and more words, then yes.I am not a professional writer, I have not written a single complete story, and nine times out of ten, my unfinished stories can only attract such a small audience.No matter the audience, I still somewhat enjoy it. Particularly in areas of action, adventure, and moral issues.

[madel5566]

I write fanfics and originals, and it isn't restricted to any genres, be it fantasy, medieval, science fiction or real life.And it ranges from one-shots to ficlets, since I don't really think I have the ability to writing long chaptered fics.I hope to become a script-writer one day,

[α╬ Finalage ╬Ω]

I am a writer. I enjoy creating mainly fan fictions however...but I have a thesis for a book I never seem to be able to become satisfied enough with. One of these days when I have the mioney..and the will to come to terms with it..I may try and publish the darn thing...I am pretty consistent in my writing however. I am able to keep long term projects too...just take a look at my over nine thousand word chapters and the fact that my current project is twenty eight chapters long, and still going with updates more or less every week...I just wish I didn't have such wierd typos...they make different words instead of misspelled ones, so spell check doesn't catch them...

[acg452]

I like to write fanficiton. Some BtVS stuff, a little Harry Potter, a few pieces of Anime....

[Obliv1ousmAn]

I love to write! too bad everything I write is trash T.T I did get a poem published in a recent contest but I couldn't afford the little compilation book it came in T.TI even got a writing award in 4th grade but that was b/c I took what I played of the demo medievil( yall remember medievil right? fun game) and finished it with added characters and my own ending. Im such a cheat Im even trying to write a book right now but I keep stopping b/c it starts to sound cheesy at times

[Certos]

Writing is definitely one of my hobbies, though I wouldn't say that I'm good at it.I tend to have a wild imagination, so I usually have far-fetched ideas and plots. Well, that aside, the only major problem here is the ending. How do you end something without being anticlimatic? You may have the best plot in the world, but the ending is as vital as anything else, after all. Take, as an example, Harry Potter. Seven books of Voldemort's return... and the final battle ended in a few pages. The book was amazing, I give you that. But I can't help thinking that the better the plot, the more of a letdown it will be in the end...

[Tatl Tael Link]

I love to write! I haven't written much in a while, but its one of my hobbies. I like to write fiction: fantasy, sci fi, romance (especially romance). I'll be sure to try to share something on here sometime.

[Klokinator]

If my excellent grammar and amazing debating skills say nothing about my writing being almost perfect, then nothing will. I have written a few stories, I will try and link to them now if possible. Be warned; They were all written 4 years ago or more and usually feature potty humor and lame Fire Emblem jokes, and most involve Chuck Norris as being the hero. I haven't had a computer until last month for the last three years so I have nothing current to submit. Anyways, hope you enjoy.

Chuck Norris VS The Power Rangers:Chapter 1: "Mighty" Morphin Rangers

-------------------------------------------------------Narrarator: On a dark and stormy night, Chuck Norris wandered the lonely streets of Houston, Texas. His boots crunched in the gravel as he walked, him muttering under his breath all the while...Chuck: What a night. Being invincible has its drawbacks. Nobody wants to fight me. I wish I had a powerful nemesis. Please God, give me a challenge!*Suddenly the Power Rangers from season one appear*Red Ranger: We come to fight you!Chuck: Wow God, that was dissappointing.White Ranger: Prepare to be owned.Blue Ranger: You're going down!Narrarator: *Sings theme music* Go Go Power Raaaangers! Mighty Morphin Power Raaaangeeerrs!Chuck: Shut up. You annoy me.Narrarator: Sorry Chuck.*Red ranger throws a punch**Chuck Norris slowly watches it come at his face, for he has the power to slow time, by glaring at time*Chuck: I wonder when it'll hit me?Red: dddd....iiiii....eeee....*Chuck smokes a cigar while waiting*Chuck: I'm waiting...*The punch connects, and mysterious explosions appear in the background for no apparent reasons*Chuck: What the-? Why do explosions always happen when you guys punch anything? It makes no logical sense!Red: Our series producer is the worst. We don't even get a decent salary. We hate our jobs. We're even on welfare.Blue: Uh, Red... Maybe we shouldn't even bother fighting Chuck... If Godzilla's super-ultra-powerful-hyper-destructo-beam couldn't hurt Chuck, why should our "Mysterious explosion punches"?Red: We never back down from a fight! We might get owned, we might have the worst powers ever, (If any) we might even have mysterious explosions, but we NEVER BACK DOWN!!!Yellow: How about just this one time?Red: Ok.*They all leave*Narrarator: That was really pathetic. The next chapter should be better folks.*The chapter ends*

Chapter 2: SPD Rangers

------------------------------------Chuck: Okay God, thanks for the joke, now how about a real challenge?*Suddenly the SPD rangers appear*Chuck:This is NOT funny!White ranger: SPEED PUNCH!*He "revs up" a stupid gizmo on his wrist, and his hands move lightning fast. But it's still slow to Chuck*Chuck: Wow. I actually see your fists moving a little. That's real impressive.White: Shuuuut.... uuuup.... aaannndd.... fiiighttt..... meeeeeee..........Chuck: Gimme a sec... *He plays and beats battletoads for the NES in three seconds*White: Iiiii'mmmmm.... ggggooonnnaaa.... kkkkiiiilllllll.... yyyyooooouuuuu....Chuck: You haven't hit me yet? Okaaaaay... *He beats every single Mario game in the next minute, destroying any world records that might exist*Blue: Wait a minute, we're out here on a dirt road in the middle of TEXAS for the love of god, and you somehow manage to play video games??? How do you get power? A TV? A game/console? WTF???White: aaaaallllmoossstt... thhheeeerrrreeeee....*The punch connects*Chuck: HEY! I felt that. Now you die.White: Aw crud.*Chuck crushes him with his eyebrows*Black: MY TURN!*Chuck interrupts him*Chuck: You know what I've always wondered?Black: No, what?Chuck: Why are almost all the Rangers white guys? There's a FEW blacks, and yet EVERY SINGLE "Black ranger" is a white guy. Weird huh?Black: Yeah, I never considered that. That is weird... WAITAMINUTEYOUSTUPIDJERKYOUCAN'TFOOLMELIKETHAT! You're just trying to distract me so I'll forget to unleash a mighty punch on you! You're afraid of me!!!Chuck: Yeeeeaah. That must be it.*Black punches him*Chuck: Whoops, I forgot to glare at time. *He glares at time, and time reverses until just before the punch, and then goes slowly forward*Black: Yeah, I never considered that. That is weird... WAITAMINUTEYOUSTUPIDJERKYOUCANTFOOLMELIKETHAT! You're just trying to distract me so I'll forget to unleash a mighty punch on you! You're afraid of me!!!Chuck: Wow, Deja Vu.*Black slowly throws a punch, and out of sheer boredom, Chuck crushes him in his two pinky fingers*All SPD rangers left standing: SBD, EMERGENCY!!!Chuck: What's that awful smell???Green: Oops, I took the "SBD" a little too literally...Chuck: That's nasty. Now you die.*Chuck unleashes the loudest SBD ever NOT heard in the history of man.*Chuck: Eat crud.Brown Ranger: No problem!Chuck: Wait, who's Brown Ranger???Brown: (Oh god, now I've revealed myself) Me? Hehe... I clean up villian crud. Maybe... My, uh, memory is a little foggy.Other rangers: Oh right, you're Joe right?Brown: Uh, yeah, sure.Purple Ranger: I just threw up, go clean it up.Chuck: Wait, who are you?*The TV fuzzes up a little*Narrarator: Aw, just great! I got my colors all messed up!!!Chuck: Oh, ok. Just fix it ok?Narrarator: My sincerest apologies... *He adjusts the TV*Narrarator: Better?Rainbow Ranger: I just threw up, go clean it up.Chuck: No.Narrarator: Hold on a sec. *He adjusts the satellite* Better?Yellow Ranger: I just threw up, go clean it up.Chuck: All better. (I guess...)*Brown is suddenly revealed as that ugly dude with the skull hat*Rangers: Let's get im'!!! Uh, you wanna help us Chuck?Chuck: Whatever. *He accidentally coughs, and a tornado appears and destroys the city. Wait, what city?*Rangers: Weird, you destroyed a nonexistant city.Chuck: We got a narrarator problem. *He pulls a police radio out of nowhere* Hello officers, we got a code 3.45 out here in this non-city city.Radio Operator: Who is this? Who gave you permission to broadcast on this frequency??? We will press charges if you continue to broadcast!*Chuck glares at the radio*Operator: Oh, it's Chuck Norris. Never mind, hehe... Please don't eat me.Chuck: Have an officer kill the narrarator NOW.Operator: Uh, I uh, um... *He coughs* Well, hehe, it's like this, see...Chuck: Spit it out, or I take it out of you myself.Operator: DON'T EAT ME! All officers are stopping a robbery! We can't spare any units.Chuck: I guess I'll have to kill him myself then.Narrarator: Wait, What did I do???Chuck: You annoyed me. (And destroyed a nonexistant city) Rangers! Are you coming with me?Rangers: Like we even have a choice.Narrarator: And so, on that fateful day, they embarked on an epic quest to *gulp* kill me. OH NO! The ch-*The chapter ends*Narrarator: HEY! I was supposed to say that.

Chapter 3: Kill the Narrarator!!! (Please Don't!! Really. Please.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Narrarator: Chuck leads the Rangers over hills, and under hills, (By punching through them, and no less) and he eventually arrives at my super-ultra-omega-perfectly-hidden-secret-hideout.Rangers: Hey Chuck, what does that sign on top of that hill say? We have bad vision. Staring at each other in neon colored outfits was never part of the job description.Chuck: It says "Secret hideout ahead, turn right, then left, then left again, then one more left, and a right turn to finish it off"Red: That's a little obvious wouldn't you think? Should we follow it?Narrarator: [/Chanting] Do it, do it, do it...Chuck: It's against my better judgement, but sure, let's do it.Narrarator: YES! YAY! HOORAY!!!!!Red: I don't know... the Narrarator is an evil genius, I don't think it's such a good idea...Narrarator: Why thank you.Chuck: Are you arguing with me?Red: ONWARD!!!!!! (Let's go before he kills me)Chuck: I already killed you didn't I?Red: I'm a ghost.Chuck: That explains it. From here on in, you will now be referred to as "InvisiRanger", got it?InvisiRanger: Got it.Narrarator: They carefully follow my directions. They go right, then left, left, left, and then right, and they arrive back at the same sign they saw earlier. Hehe, I truly am diabolical indeed.Chuck: This only fuels my rage.Narrarator: Really? You seem so calm. Come to think of it, you never even blink. Ever. Is that even natural?Chuck: I'm a god. Gods don't blink. You are a genius who soon won't have a face to blink with.Narrarator: Big words coming from a... uh, really big dude.Chuck: Yeah, I'm really sure you're gonna die.*InvisiRanger interrupts*InvisiRanger: Hey, look at that conspicuously placed shack over there.Chuck: I saw it three years ago. What's your point.InvisiRanger: It says "Home of the Narrarator" on its side.Chuck: I know.InvisiRanger: Well, then why didn't you mention it?Chuck: Because my friend Bob lives there. Not the Narrarator.InvisiRanger: Well... if you say so. You are "The Chuck" after all.*They notice a road heading off to the side that's really tiny, and it happens to have fire-ants crawling all over it*Yellow: Let's not go that way.Chuck: Let's.*They all go that way*InvisiRanger: OW! It burns! HOOOOOT! (I'm referring to my hemmorhoids problem, not the ants)Chuck: Wuss.InvisiRanger: NO I'M NOT!Yellow: I got MY vaccination... Red, I mean InvisiRanger, decided it wasn't a priority.Yellow Ranger: Hey, I see the castle up ahead!Chuck: That's not it.InvisiRanger: Hey! Did anyone notice the "Miniguns" aimed at us, and the sign that says "You come too close, we shoot!"?Chuck: I noticed it three years ago.Yellow: How the- ... Forget it.God: Quit lying Chuck.Chuck: Okay. But you aren't God.God: Yes I am.Chuck: No, you're the narrarator posing as God.Narrarator: Jerk. (Another diabolical scheme foiled again!!!)Yellow: Hey! A hole in the ground! Right over there!Chuck: I know.Yellow: Yeah right.Chuck: No really, I saw it thr-Yellow: Oh shut up you bragger! You couldn't have possibly seen it three years ago!Chuck: I can see the future. And if you ever interrupt me again, you'll be the "Urine" ranger.Yellow: You can't hit a girl.Chuck: Try me.Yellow: I'd rather not.*They all head to the hole in the ground*Blue: So you can see the future? Prove it.Chuck: You're about to step in crud. *He glares at Blue, and Blue unloads out his... basement, and steps in it.*Blue: OMG! That is sooooo gross!!! But you made me do it, so it doesn't count.Narrarator: HEY! No saying OMG! Say "Oh my God", this is a story, and noob-speak isn't allowed.Blue: LOL!!!Narrarator: Don't make me destroy you.Yellow: Back on topic!!! Man, that's.... really horrible. I've never seen so much crud in my life.Chuck: I know.Blue: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! You don't know! You're just saying that!Chuck: Watch out for the angry Wolverine.Blue: Wha- AAAUGH! *A wolverine latches onto his arm and bites off a huge chunk of "muscle" (If it can be called that).*InvisiRanger: That looks painful.*Peter Parker appears from nowhere*Peter Parker: You ought to see a doctor. (HA! My initials are "PP"! HA!)*He vanishes inexplicably*Chuck: Wow, even I didn't see that coming. Stupid narrarator.Judge Dredd: You should sue him. *He vanishes*Chuck: Killing would be quicker, and cheaper.Arnold Schwartzenheggar: TERMINATE HIM!Chuck: I kill you.*Him and Arnold have an epic fight, and Chuck barely wins*Chuck: WOW! That was tough. Arnold and Me, we own. We buds.Narrarator: I sense the closing of a chapter. (Because this is too random)*The chapter ends.*

Chapter 4: The Narrarators Lair! Come and get me you noobs!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chuck: We have arrived.Blue: WHOA! Words don't even describe it.*Inside the awesomeness of the lair, trillions of manuscripts lie in heaps up to the ceiling, (Which is 100 feet high I might add) and evil plans lie all around the floor!*Orange Ranger: Look over there!!!*Everyone but Chuck looks in the direction Orange indicates*Chuck: Wow, that was a dumb trick.Narrarator: I know, everyone falls for it except you.InvisiRanger: What? I don't see- Oh, riiiight. You jerk!Bartre: I'LL HIT MY HEAD ON A ROCK!!!! *He vanishes*Narrarator: That was not my doing.Chuck: I know.Blue: I give up.Chuck: I kn- Oh, why even say it anymore?*They enter the next room, and they see an awful sight! Little innocent bunnies are being dissected! And so are kittens! And puppies! And komodo dragons! (Wait, what?)*Chuck: This is awful! The Narrarator will pay for his crimes! Why would someone dissect kittens and puppies and bunnies and komodo dragons???!!!Narrarator: You mean you haven't guessed already???Blue: I KNEW IT! You're a fraud Chuck!*Chuck kills Blue for saying that*Dead Blue: Oh, my aching non-existant bones!InvisiRanger: Don't whine to me.Narrarator: Prepare yourselves for the most awful sight anyone in the world has ever seen!!!*Suddenly, out of the depths of the lair, a terrifying "ROOOOAAAAR!" blasts outwards, knocking the few remaining people off their feet. (Except Chuck, of course)*Narrarator: Kitt-odo-pupp-bunny Dragon! Kill them AAAALLLLLL!!!*Suddenly, a monster leaps out of the darkness! It is the most abominable thing ever to walk the Earth! It has the Head of a Komodo Dragon (Which spits fire, no less), the body of a kitten (Which has the loudest purr the world will ever hear), the ears and back legs of a cute little bunny! (Which allows it to hop great distances, and hear stealthy noises.) And it has the front paws of a puppy! (Which allows it to bury bones... HUMAN BONES!!!)*Chuck: Now isn't that the cutest thing you ever saw? C'mere boy! C'mon!Monster: I sense a disturbance in the Force.Yellow: What the?*The monster also is 100 feet tall, and has a puppy's vocal cords too, I forgot to mention that part*Chuck: Stupid Narrarator! Can't you keep the story moving along smoothly?!! You're so dumb.Narrarator: NO CHUCK! YOU ARE! YOU WILL NOW DIIIIIEEE!Monster: RAAAAAH! I AM RAMBO!Chuck: But I own Rambo.God: I own you.Chuck: Shut up you stupid Narrarator! I ain't falling for that again.InvisiRanger: Wait! Hold up a sec! Why is everything in this story so dark! Isn't the sun out yet?Chuck: Read the first line of the story, stupid. "On a dark and stormy night".Yellow: Uh, isn't that from a Peanuts comic strip?Chuck: I think so.Narrarator: NOOOOOOOO! You figured out the secret riddle!!!!Chuck: It was a little obvious.*Suddenly a mysterious time storm appears, and sweeps away the SPD Rangers, because they suck. And suddenly, the Dino-Rangers appear!!! Yay! They don't!!! (At least, not as much)*Dino-Rangers: Let's own the Narrarator!Chuck: Hey, you guys are actually decent Rangers. Your powers are kinda cool, your mech animations are fairly good (Compared to other seasons), and when you "Ranger Up", it has great graphics. Oh, and White ranger looks pimped!White: Thank you. *Sniff* My father is an evil being... *Sniff* and he was never there for me... So I *Sniff, SOB* turned to the rangers for help. I LOVE YOU GUUUUUYS! *Tears pour down his face, as he unleashes a bear hug on all the rangers, and they all share an intimate moment*Chuck: This is creepy, let's get back to fighting.Rangers: Uh, sure... Okay.Narrarator: WAIT, what's ... THAT???!!! *He senses something terrible about to happen**It happens to be the end of the chapter*Narrarator: Oh. I shoulda known that!

Chapter 5: Epic battle!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Narrarator: Chuck and The DinoRangers are on their way to kill me! Why? What for? When?Chuck: To answer your questions: 1. You annoyed me by killing off a non-existant city. 2. See #1. 3. Right now. *He busts down the Narrarators door*Narrarator: NOOOO! You shan't kill me! *Suddenly, he grows 100 feet bigger, and dark energy swirls around him as he gathers his story telling power!*Chuck: I'm supposed to be scared?Narrarator: YOU FOOL! I can change the story however I want! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! THE RANGERS ALL DIE!!!*The rangers all die of food poisoning*Rangers: Save... us... Chuck...Chuck: Gee, they woulda really helped me if they hadn't died. Or not.Narrarator: Yeah, that didn't even make much of a difference did it? YOU DIE, CHUCK!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!Chuck: Uh, riiiiiight. That didn't hurt. I'm immortal remember?Narrarator: Foiled again! But I can still kill you!!!Chuck: No, you can't. You'd better just give up.Narrarator: NEVER!!!! *He summons a super-powerful Mecha-dragon*Dragon: GRAAAAH!!! MARGAH!!! MAMA!!!! (WTF?)*The dragon fires a beam of electrical fire energy directly in between Chucks eyes*Chuck: Ow. I felt that. Now you die. *He leaps into the air, and delivers a roundhouse kick into the dragons nards!!!*Dragon: AHM A CHICK Y0U N00B!!!Chuck: Okay. *He leaps in the air, and starts to deliver a kick to the dragons head, buuut...*Narrarator: DIE!!! *He shoots a dark magic beam at Chuck and KILLS HIM!!! Or, at least, he knocks the wind out of him*Chuck: Ugh, that... that really hurt.Narrarator: TASTE DARK MAGIC!!! *As he shoots a beam 100X more powerful than the last, his cloak falls off and reveals his true identity!*Chuck* AAAARGH! *He receives a fatal wound, but sees the Narrarators true identity first* I knew it....Nergal: NOW! Now I will kill you, Chuck Norris! I will taste sweet revenge! And you will pay for killing my father!Chuck: Nergal, wait... I ... Must... tell you something first.Nergal: Oh yeah??? And what might THAT be?Chuck: I... am... your father...Nergal: Wow, talk about cliche's.... Okay, thanks for the info. Now die. *He unleashes one more beam and disintegrates Chuck in one smooth motion*Nergal: I AM NOW THE MIGHTIEST BEING ALIVE!!!!Arnold Schwartzenheggar: Not so fast! TERMINATION!Nergal: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!Arnold: Uh, yes. *He grabs Nergal by the neck, but before he snaps it, a ton of heroes and villians appear*Eliwood: HEY! We're supposed to kill him! Not you! (Wait, I suck)Athos: Nergal is my nemesis! Taste some Forblaze! (Wait, that spell really blows)Hector: My Armads wants blood! (My Axe rocks at least, but I got low RES.)King Zephiel: I will protect a fellow evildoer!!! *He leaps to Nergals side, and bashes his ultimate sword into Arnold*Lyon: I am a lion! I kill you! *He summons a bunch of wimpy axe guardians* And them too!!!Eliwood: Actually, doesn't your name rhyme with "Tea own"?Lyon: Good point! I AM OWNAGE TEA!!!Hector: WTF???Fargus: I'm the most powerful unit in all of FE history. I am unbeatable. You will die, Nergal.Random FEU member who quotes stats too much: Technically, you aren't really the STRONGEST persay, actually, your base stats are high, but you start out at level 18, and I *bla bla bla bla bla*Fargus: Only you could be that irritating.Nergal: BACK ON TOPIC! My neck hurts. Allies of me! Join me, and let's kill these wussies!*Nergal, Lyon, and King Zephiel all face the good guys; Eliwood, Athos, Hector, Fargus, Arnold*Nergal: Hey! you can't have five guys! That's unfair! You have the advantage!!!Random FEU member who quotes stats too much: I'll join your side!Nergal: I'd sooner castrate myself. WAIT! What's that???*Suddenly, the DK from FE8 appears, and The evil Terminator from #2 appears as well*Nergal: That's better! Now we're even!Random FEU member: Actually, you have super powerful units, including the evil terminator, and they have Hector. Eliwood's a loser, Athos has no growths, Fargus is overrated, and Arnold pwns, but is out-matched by the other terminator. PLUS, Nergal has Narrarator abilities.Nergal: Thanks for that, I like an easy battle.DK: I don't. I could kill you wimps easy.Athos: We need a miracle! Saint Elimine! Please help us!!!*Suddely, a beam of light from the heavens flashes from the sky, and lands on Chucks body. It raises him from ashes to ashes, and dust to dust!*Nergal: NO IT DOESN'T!!!*It doesn't*Athos: YES IT DOES!!!*It does*Nergal: Wait, how do you have narrarator abilities???Athos: You have evil abilities. I have blessed abilities. We are polar opposites.Nergal: So it's NOT a fair fight? NOOOOOOOO!!!!Athos: Uh... YEEEEEEES!*Randomness happens*Nergal: I desire music.Eliwood: What the shiz???*Suddenly the "System of a Down" band appears and plays their song; "BYOB"*Nergal: That's better.*The randomness ends**An epic battle ensues, and the Terminators kill each other, while Chuck kills everyone else, including his allies and enemies both*Chuck: Oops.Nergal: Hmmmm.... we're back to square 1. (Wait, aren't I supposed to be dead? Is that a proper phrase?)Chuck: I'm so bored now.*He instantly fires a beam of "Chuckiness" at Nergal, and kills him*Chuck: I am the new Narrarator of this story. No more random storylines, no more boring fights where I'm guaranteed to win, just NORMALNESS!Person reading the book: But, that's boring! I like repetitive fights! I like potty humor! I LIKE RANDOMNESS!Chuck: Sucks for you. *He kills YOU*The End...Or is it? Who cares?! You're dead anyways!!!

Forgive me for that... it was painful even for me to read... Now for the epic craptastic sequel! (I promise it is a bit better... but not by much.)

Chuck Norris Versus Barney The Evil Shaman:Chapter 1: RAAAAAANDOMNESSSSSS!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------AUTHORS NOTE: I don't speak spanish, so Dora's spanish might look rudimentary if you happen to be a Mexican reading this story. I apologize. I mean... Me excusarse.* * *Narrarator: It was a dark and stormy night in the Congo Jungle... It was a year after the LAST narrarator dared to challenge Chuck Norris... I'll never make THAT mistake... Ever. Anyways, Chuck was walking down the hiking trails in the Congo, feeling very bored. The last Narrarator had killed him, but Chuck had come back to life anyways, defying the laws of normal stories... But this story has Chuck in it... so it can't be a normal story... Errr..... Uh..... anyways, Chuck wanted a challenge...Chuck Norris: I wish I could have another, even MORE epic fight with a powerful hero/villian, just like last time.Narrarator: Sure, no problem... epic fight (Insert randomness), comin' up!*Suddenly, a massive vortex appears, and a rip in time and space occurs! Yikes! It's all those evil monsters from PBS!!!*Barney The Evil Shaman: MWAHHHHAAAHAHHAHHAHAAAA!!! I've finally come back to life! I shall unleash my pedophilia all over the universe!!!Bob the Destructive Builder: And I'll build you a massive castle!!!Dora the Money Laundering Explorer: Más me adiestrar tú Espanol'!!!Barney: Wha-?Bob The Destructive Builder: Let it go sire... let it go...Baby Bop Your Face: Look, sire! A peasant waiting for you to unleash your dark magic upon him!Chuck: Who, me? Wow, this is gonna be rough. (On them)Barney: I CAST NEGRO BOMB!!! *Mr. T appears*Mr. T: What up foo'?Chuck: What the-? *He glares at time, and slows it down, for he is master of the universe. And besides that, he's Chuck Norris...*Barney: GAY BOMB! *He throws a little gas bomb at Chuck, and when it explodes, more evil minions appear*Clay Aiken: "If I was Invisible"!!!! *He turns invisible*Backstreet Boys: Come on "Everybody"! Rock your body! Yeeeeah-ahhh!!!Emo Elmo: HIIIIYYYAAAA!!!! "He plays a really annoying song that nobody likes, including Barney*Barney: KNOCK IT OFF YOU STUPID @#^%$#^*!!!!!!!!! Nobody likes any of your songs!!! *He beats Clay Aiken to a pulp*Narrarator: I couldn't help myself.... Anyways...Chuck: And to think people let their children watch Barney... I think I know where violence on TV started...Hitler: HI HITLER!Chuck: What the Nazi? And, wait... "Hi" Hitler? That doesn't sound entirely correct...Mr T.: Shut up foo'! Nobody listening anyways!*Mr T. is killed by a massive glob of crub that flies into Earths atmosphere from seemingly nowhere*Nazi Astronauts: Oops.*Barney starts throwing dozens of evil spells at Chuck, but Chuck sees them all coming, and he throws em' back at Barney*Chuck: This story isn't very funny Narrarator...Narrarator: It will be... there's a good plot twist I wanna fit in eventually...Barney: Chuck... I, am your father.Chuck: Oh, that twist...Narrarator: Well, I'm all out of plot twist- HEY! WHAT THE- *Suddenly the Narrarator is dragged away by Bob the builder!*Chuck: HEY! You might throw really terrible songs at me, you might [attempt] to kill me, but stealing the Narrarator is UNFORGIVEABLE!!! *A laser beam shoots out of his eyes, and Bob is disintegrated instantly*Narrarator: Now I will rule the universe!Chuck: HEY! I thought we agreed on none of that taking over the universe stuff last time!Narrarator: Hey, you made that deal with John the narrarator. I am not John.Chuck: Really? Hmmmmmm.... Then where's John?Narrarator: Bob killed John, and I'm his replacement.Chuck: So who are you?Narrarator: You'll find out soon enough!Clay Aiken with a gay singing voice: But how sssooo-oooo-oooo-ooonnnn ahhhh-yeah? Chuck: Didn't Barney kill you?Clay Aiken with a gay singing voice: Iiiiii caaaa-haaa-haaaan't diii-hiiie!!!! YEAAAAAAHHH!Chuck: Holy crap, shut up.Clay Aiken with a gay singing voice: Buuuu-huuuu-huuuut I caaaa-hhhaaaa-haaaan'nnn'ttt! Hoooo-ooooooh!!!Chuck: Oh my gawd, I'm gonna tear your frigging lips off. *He tears his frigging lips off*Barney: Not even MY pedophilia can compare to his gayness.Narrarator: And everyone vanishes back to their dimension!Chuck: What the Nazi???!!! I was having fun tearing peoples lips off!!!Narrarator: Oh, uh, sorry. And they uh, all come back through a new portal. YAY!Baby Bop your face: Aren't I just the cutest thing? I'm really just king Barney's goldigging whore!Chuck: Ew, gross.*Suddenly a random guy walks in the door... Uh... In the... Uhhh... Congo Jungle... Errr... Uhhhh.... Whatever...*Random Guy: Hey, is this the audition for "High School Muscial 7"? I'd like to play the part of Zac Efron.Chuck: Holy Nazi, HSM is the gayest thing since... well... Barney... That and Hannah Montana!Miley Cyus: You talkin' bout' me?Random Guy: MARRY ME!!!Miley: Ew! Guh-ross!!!Chuck: Oh gawd, that hillbilly accent... can't... take... much... MORE!!!Miley: A-likie, wassa prob bro?Chuck: AAAAAARRRGGHHH!!! *He kills her and the random guy*Barney: Yup, not even I can stand that hillbilly voice!Sylvester Stallone: You're about to be JUDGED!!!Chuck: Holy crap! How much more random can this get???*A dinosaur eats Sylvester*Chuck: Oh.Barney: BEGONE, RANDOMNESS!!!! *The randomness stops... for 2 full seconds*Chuck: I have SOOOOO much stress!!!Baby Bop your face: *She hits Chuck on the forehead.* Shoulda had a V8!Chuck: What. The. Nazi?Baby Bop your face: How do you think they got the idea? They saw my name!Irritating guy with a run-on voice: CALL NOW, AND RECIEVE A FREE EDITION OF "GRAAAAANNIES GONE WIIIILD"!!! Yes, that's right, we'll cut $10,000 off the price, FOR FREE!!! But only if you call within the next 10 miiiiiicroseconds!!! Time's up.A rock on the ground: This gives me a headache.Bartre: *He bashes his head on the rock* BIG WORDS!!!! AAAAAAUGH!!!!Chuck: ... ... ... ...Barney: ... ... ... ...Narrarator: Moving on!Clay Aiken: Thhaaa-aaaaa-aaaat'ssss Da' end of daaaaaaa chaaaaapa-----ta'!!!Chuck: My... my... my frickin' ears!!! They're.... BLEEDING!!! *He pulls Clay Aikens Scrotum over his head*

Chapter 2: NOOOOO RANDOMNESSSS!!!

Narrarator: Three days later...Barney: The only possible way to beat Chuck...Baby Bop your face: WAIT! Lemme guess, "Is to join him"?Barney: No, the only way to beat Chuck... is by sheer numbers! I'll gather a MILLION men!!!Baby Bop your face: I don't know about that........ ............ ......... ...............Barney: It MUST work!!! If it doesn't, then I'll never be able to live down the SHAME!!!Baby Bop your face: Master... Shall I summon... Him...?Barney: HIM?! You mean... the one from the legend? ... ... The only one whose gayness extends beyond Clay Aiken the Queer? Baby Bop your face: Uh, yeah. Him.Barney: Gulp... I-I just don't know... it's a dangerous ritual... Wh-what if something goes wrong, and he turns his Queerness against us??? OR ME???Bob the Builder: Isn't it interesting?Barney: Huh, what?Bob the Builder: All of us minions have names that start with a "B"... intertesting huh?Barney: ... ... ... Shut up, you .Dora The Money Laundering Explorer: Nosotras ya gozar conciliar!!!!Barney: DID YOU JUST CUSS ME OUT???Chuck: Allow me to translate: "We already have win"Barney: -The hell? That makes no sense!Narrarator: Yeah, uh... I couldn't resist. My bad.Chuck: Narrarator, this is the most pathetic excuse for a story I've ever seen. No good plot twists, too much randomness...Mario: Ah-has any-uh-body seen Luugi?Chuck: Like that. No Mario, I have not. And who is Luugi? Don't you mean Luigi?Mario: No, a-uh Luugi... like a hack-a-luugi!Barney: I just might barf.Dora The Money Laundering Explorer: Vómito! Yo Vómito!Chuck: If you don't kill her, then I will...Barney: I'm not gonna kill one of my minions! Her money-laundering techniques have made me millions!!!Chuck: Yeah, millions... ... ... of enemies...Barney: Good point. *He kills her.*Dora The Money Laundering Explorer: Me ir non ansiar dirigir fenecer!!!Barney: I can never understand her. Don't even bother translating that.Chuck: Are you sure? I think she complimented you!Barney: Really? Cool!Chuck: I lie.Barney: Oh.Narrarator: Suddenly a tornado hits Kansas!!!Chuck: I don't give a crap!Narrarator: But you have to stop the tornado!!!!!!!!!!Chuck: Why? I'm in the Congo Jungle!!! Kansas is halfway around the &%^ing world!!!Barney: Yeah, that does makes sense.Chuck: I feel a boiling rage at this new Narrarator.Barney: Really? You look so calm!Chuck: It's because I- ... ... Wow, Deja vu'! I've had a conversation JUST LIKE THIS before!Invisiranger: It's because you haaaaaaaave... *He drifts away.... like... a ghost...* :sly:Chuck: ... ... ...Barney: ... ... ...Narrarator: ... ... ...Bob The Destructive Builder: Uh, yeah. Moving on.Chuck: Yeah. Wait, how many times have I killed you?Bob the Destructive Builder: Once.Chuck: I think that for absolutely NO REASON WHAT-SO-EVER, I'll kill you again.Barney: All your base are belong to us.Chuck: ... ... ... Uh. Yeeeeaaah. Whatever. *He kills Bob The Destructive Builder*Bob The Deadstructive Builder: I'm still here.Chuck: BUT HOW???!!!Bob The Deadstructive Builder: I wear a hard hat, remember? It's saved my life twice now.Narrarator: *Thinking to self* I gotta distract them somehow, and get this stupid story back on track... Okay everyone, who wants pizza and BEER???!!!Bob: I'm dead, so, like... none for me...Barney: What kind of an example would that set for my little children fanboys?Bob: Uh, master... Don't you mean your ensla-Barney: SHUT UP! Don't blab the secret!!!Bob: But everyone knows... Uh... what's up with Chuck?Chuck: *Thinking to self* Hmmm... let's see... If I drank 1 gallon of beer every second, for 24 hours everyday, it would take me 3,000 years to drink 100,000,000,000 gallons of beer! Hmmm... SURE!Narrarator: Uh, Chuck... I don't like that wild look in your eyes... Let's NOT drink any beer... How about JUST pizza?Donald Trump: Narrarator, You're fired.Narrarator: WHAT??? WHYYYYYYY??!!!Donald Trump: You failed at your respective task of announcing the end of a chap-*The chapter ends*Narrarator: Oh, that.

Chapter 3: *Barney Casts Summon Logrus*!

Narrarator: Uh, welcome to chapter three! A new chapter, a better story!Chuck: RIIIIIIIGHT! Okay, we'll go with that.Barney: Chuck, it is time we had an epic battle!!! *He summons the force of Logrus*Chuck: Ew, did you just summon a hack-a-loogi?Barney: NO CHUCK! It is my most POOOOOOWERFUL SPELL EVER!Chuck: If it turns me into a pedophile like you, then I'll be real mad.Barney: NO! Worse! I just summoned the gayest person to ever exist! And his best friend, who also happens to be gay!*Suddenly the person(s) appears*Chuck: GASP! He's worse than I imagined! Oh, how hideously grotesque!Barney: I know, huh!?Richard Simmons: OKAY EEEEVERYBOOODY! LETS GET THEM THIGHS FLAPPING! *He does hideously gay jumping jacks* ONE! TWO! THREE! WHEEEEE!Chuck: My.... fist... wants... to... bash his... face.... AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!! *He takes a swing at Richard, but Richard dodges it with his hideously disgusting jumping jacks*Prince: HOOOO BOYS! MAMA'S HOME! HOOOOO-WWWEEEEE!!!!Chuck: Aaaaargghh... the gayness... it's sapping my will to live... Prince and Richard Simmons together at the same time... only you, Barney, a hideous demonic creature such as yourself, could do such a thing.... uugghh...... W-w-whyyyy.....Barney: Because, Chuck! I must rule the universe, even if it means going to extremes such as this to kill my mortal enemies!!!Richard Simmons: COME ON BAAAAAARNEEEEY!!! LET'S DO JUMPING JACKS! GO! GO! GO!!!!Barney: NOOOOOOOO!!!! He has turned on me!!! I'm feeling weeeeaaaak..... *He loses his will to live*Narrarator: And so, Richard Simmons covered the planet with his gayness, and his sidekick Prince was just as bad! Oh dear, what shall we do? Not even Chuck Norris can defeat them! Oh look! The president of the United States of America is making a speech! Maybe he can offer us hope!President: My fellow Americans... A terrible tragedy has befallen the world. Walker, Texas Ranger, AKA Chuck Norris, our hero and savior... has... has... has been defeated. Richard Simmons is sapping everyone's will to live! Not even "Barney The Evil Shaman" can un-summon him! We are deploying armed forces, so as to destroy this gay invasion! Screw the aliens! Richard Simmons is scarier!!! LET'S GET IM'!!!!Secretary Of Defense: Uh, Mr. President... you're losing control...President: NOOOOO!!! I'm losing my will to liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!!!! *He loses his will to live*God: What have they done???Jesus: Can't you kill him, Father???God: Nobody can kill him, Jesus... He... is indestructible... He was supposed to be my greatest creation... but now... weeeell...Jesus: Are you saying...God: Yes. He is Satan incarnate.Jesus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!Richard Simmons: I AM INDESTRUCTIBLE! YEAH UN-TERMINATABLE! I AM INDESTRUCTIBLE!Narrarator: Who can stand the sheer evil of it all? It's... so...*Suddenly, a time rift appears, and the Terminator explodes into this world*Arnold Schwartzenheggar: I must TERMINATE Richard Simmons.God: OF COURSE! He's a robot! He never HAD any will to live!Narrarator: A month passes, and the world turns into a barren wasteland more disgusting than any Nuclear Bomb could ever make happen. Heck, even the animals commit suicide. Yeah, it's that bad.Terminator: Target Sighted: Prepare To Terminate.Richard Simmons: OH LOOK! SOMONE ELSE WHO LOOKS SOOOOOO OUT OF SHAPE! LET'S GO DUDE! ONE! TWO!! THREEEE!!!Terminator: Thank God I Am A Robotic Automaton, Or I Would Kill Myself Right Now.Prince: Let us put on just a smidgen of makeup on the diiiisgusting face Mr. Terminator! Why, it looks so butt-ugly, words cannot possibly describe it! How about some Diamonds and Pearls on those store-bought ears?*The Terminator grabs Prince*Prince: Gett off!!!*Suddenly, a second time rift opens up, and a Second terminator appears*Evil Terminator: Must Protect Richard Simmons: Why? Who Cares.*Soft music starts playing*Good Terminator: But Don't You Understand What Will Happen If You Try To Protect Richard Simmons, Brother? He Will Allow His Gayness To Destroy Our Kind! We Won't Be Able To Take Over The World If HE'S Already In Control!Evil Terminator: I Cannot Ignore My Programming. And Besides, He Programmed Me Himself, 345 Years From Now.Good Terminator: Are You Kidding Me? This Retard Lives THAT LONG?? Christ, Why Won't He Just DIE??!!Jesus: Why are you asking me? You think I know that answer?Richard Simmons: COME ON JESUS! LET'S GET IIIIIIIIIIN SHAAAAAAAAAPE!!! ONE! TWO! THREEEE!!!Jesus: NOOOOOOO! FAAAATHEEEEER!God: Pff, don't look at me. You got in his range, stupid. It takes a real moron to get in his gay range.*Suddenly Napoleon appears from a time rift*Napoleon Dynamite: DUDE! Where's my car?*He vanishes, because I didn't mean THAT Napoleon*Narrarator: Sorry, I couldn't help myself.*The REAL Napoleon appears...*Napoleon: I once led France in an epic war against evil, and I'll do so now!Narrarator: Hey Napoleon, isn't it true you knew the name of EVERY single soldier in your army?Napoleon: Why yes, let's see... there was Bob, Jim, Tom, Leo, Dan, Steve, Claudius, Vladmir, Little Ricky, Bobby, Chuck Norris, John M'cain, (Damn... he's old...) Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, (From da' movie...) John, Sam, Tina....Narrarator: Uh, Napoleon... that's enough... we get the point...Napoleon: And Andy, Tony, Fred, My evil twin Noelopan, and Jack, Morone, Black and Decker, and who can forget Merlin, Arthur, bla bla bla bla bla.......Narrarator: Aw Christ. I'll never get another word in.Jesus: Dude, QUIT SAYING MY DAMN NAME!!! It is SO annoying!Narrarator: Wait, you mean you survived that brutal attack from Richard Simmons?Jesus: Who do I look like? I'm Jesus Christ!Narrarator: Jeez, don't gotta be rude... ... ... Aaaaaanyways...*Suddenly a new hero appears!*Lemon Demon: Mwahahahaha! This is the perfect chance for a new song! The Ultimate Showdown of Orgyness!!!LD's Manager: Uh, Lemon... That's just a combination of both of your songs...Mr T.: Shut up Foo!Narrarator: Wow, that was definately the wrong hero. Time to re-summon!!!*Suddenly a being far more powerful than Chuck Norris appears!*Clint Eastwood: Time to get PWNED!!!Richard Simmons: OOOOOOOH! YOU WANNA EXERCISE??? HUH DUUUUUUDE??!!Clint Eastwood: Humph. Was THAT how you drain peoples will to live? That was pathetic.Prince: Diamonds an-Clint Eastwood: Shut up. *He flicks Prince on the nose and shatters it to pieces.*Prince: Why you little bit-!Chuck: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! *He breaks Prince's larynx by shooting it with a .44 Magnum.**Chuck wakes up only to find the world in a sad, sad condition.*Chuck: Ugh, my head... What's been going on while I was taking a little nap?Narrarator: Well, The world has been essentially destroyed, Fidel Castro is dead...Chuck: Cool, I voted for the other guy.Narrarator: There was no other guy....Chuck: I know, but I voted for the other guy none-the-less... 'Cause guess who I am...?Narrarator: Right... anyways, Barney isn't the problem anymore. Richard Simmons and his little slutty minion Prince are the new troublemakers! Er, uh... at least they were... until Clint Eastwood broke Prince's larynx...Chuck: C-C-...Clint Eastwood... *A cold chill descends upon Chuck Norris...* You mean my father still lives...?Clint Eastwood: CHUCKY! Get yo arse over here boy!!!Chuck: COMING POPPA!!!! *He runs faster than the speed of light.*Clint Eastwood: I thought I told you to protect Earth!!! You little lazy-ass! You've been sleeping haven't you!!!Chuck: Yessir...Clint Eastwood: It's about high time for an ass paddling!Chuck: NO POPPA, NOOOO!!!!*Clint Eastwood grabs out a paddle made of a material stronger than a Silmarillion*Clint Eastwood: This'll teach you to disrespect your poppa!Chuck: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!! *The paddle hits his butt so hard the moon moves away from Earth a couple of degrees...*Clint: 789546965983476 more to go!!!Chuck: AAAAAAAURGH!!!Clint: TWO!!! *It comes down a second time and the Earth cools off a few degrees from the hurricane force winds...*Clint: THREE!!! *When it hits, Mount Vesuvius blows again, for only the third time in history...*Narrarator: Dang, that looks reeeeally painful. Who knew Clint was Chuck's dad?Jesus: Not I.God: Well, I certainly did. I made em' both.Jesus: Liar. No you didn't.God: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A LIAR!!!Jesus: Well you are. You had no idea.God: Okay, so I didn't...Narrarator: Hey everyone! Look!!!God: Yeah I see it.Richard Simmons: ONE! TWO! THREEEEE! CHAPTER FOUR!!!!*This are end of chapter.*

Chapter 4: We'll see what happens...

Chuck: Ugh, my ass hurts so bad...Clint: I only gave you HALF the beating you deserve you little punk! WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!!Chuck: Sorry poppa...*Suddenly Lightning strikes Chuck Norris twice.*Chuck: Dam- uh, I mean... Dang it! Why did that happen?! Wait, HOW did that happen?Narrarator: Well, it IS a dark and stormy night...Chuck: Yeah, but 30+ days have passed already...Narrarator: Well, who says it isn't still a stormy day? I say it is! *It becomes a stormy day, and the story makes sense.*Clint: Good save.Chuck: Indeed.Clint: Wait a minute, why did lightning strike Chuck twice in the same spot?Chuck: Because I am Chuck Norris of course.Narrarator: See? That made sense too!Clint: This story is so F***ING stupid.*Richard Simmons comes walking up*Richard Simmons: HEEEEEY DUDE! LET'S GET THEM THIGHS MOOOOOOVING!!! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEE!!!Clint: If he doesn't shut up, I'm gonna tear his frigging lips off.Chuck: You go daddy-o.Prince: Oooooh my gawd! Izzat Clint Eastwood? I've had suuuuuuuuuuch a crush awn him fo' so long, baby!Ozzy Osbourne: ALL ABOOOOAAAARDDD!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! *Kickass metal starts playing*Chuck: What the Nazi was that all about?Clint: IDK.Narrarator: HEY! No noob speak! What kind of example are you setting for the little children??!!Barney: Don't you mean the little slav-?Bob: *Interrupts* GODDAMNIT QUIT BLABBING THE SECRET!Clint: *He happens to be 200 miles away* HEY! Someone just cussed! *He races up to Bob, and promptly beats the cra- uh... I mean crud... out of him.*Chuck: Wow poppa, that was faster than normal.Clint: I'll clean up this world, one filthy mouth at a time, if I must.Barney: Uh....Clint: Shut up, stupid.Barney: But Clint...Clint: SHUT UP, STUUUPID!Barney: GODDAMMIT! THERE'S A **** METEOR FLYING AT EARTH, AND IT'S 1287546275462837 MILES WIDE!!!Clint: Oh... But still, I'm gonna have to paddle you for cussing, smarty.Barney: Greeeeaaat.*In a flash of an eye, Barney is bent over Clint's knee, and the paddle is being raised*Barney: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Chuck: This is gonna hurt...*When the paddle comes down, a couple million Asians are killed by a freak tsunami*Clint: THAT WAS ONE! ONLY FIVE MORE!Barney: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!!!*When it comes down the second time, Jeruselam is destroyed for the third time in history*Barney: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!Chuck: He shouldn't have cussed again... amateur.Clint: YOU WANNA CUSS, LITTLE BOY??!! 10 MORE PADDLES, COMIN' DOWN!!! (And this is me taking it easy on a first timer...)Barney: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!*When it comes down the third time, the chapter suddenly ends.*Narrarator: Whoa, that was fast.

Chapter 5: Asteroid! Meteor! Comet! WTF?

Narrarator: After the paddling was over, the Hurricane Force Winds/Ice Ages took about a year to finally die down. However, the asteroid was only a day away, so the heroes had to do something.Chuck: Well, the asteroid is still flying straight at Earth, so what's the plan?Clint: Either I throw you all the way up to the asteroid, or you throw me. When one of us gets there, we smash it to pieces!Barney: Or we can just have Clay Aiken sing at it. If his voice is high pitched enough, it might just disintegrate.Chuck: Yeah... uh... we'll call that "Plan Clay".Barney: Okay, but what's plan B then?Chuck: I throw YOU at the asteroid, and you unleash your powers on it.Barney: BUT IF IT HITS ME I'LL DIE!!!Chuck: Yeah, so... what's your point?*Suddenly a rift opens up, and a god appears*Thor: I am the God of Thunder. I will destroy the comet... it is my destiny.Barney: I thought it was an asteroid...?Thor: HAH! Foolish mortal. It is a massive asteroid all right, but behind is is a slightly smaller comet, and behind that... is a meteor.Chuck: Well, that was a nice surprise... Anyone got a rocket launcher? My poppa can't take all three by himself, and I need to stay behind to throw him up into space. I'll even throw Thor, but how will I get up there? I'm guessing a rocket will have to do.Thor: We need... battle music! Minions, RISE!!!Narrarator: Uh....*The band of Amon Amarth appears*Amon Amarth: THOR, ODENS SON, PROTECTOR... OF MAAANKIND! RIDE TO MEET YOUR FATE, YOUR DESTINY AWAAAITS!Chuck: Aw sick dude, you have your own fan club! I love this band!Narrarator: I apologize for the cheap plugin. But hey, it had to happen.*Amon Amarth and Thor both vanish*Chuck: Well, there went all the fun. How can we have awesome battle music now?Clay Aiken: ...... ..... ..... ...... ..... I can help...Chuck: No.Clint: Uh-uh.Barney: NO WAY!*The Backstreet Boys appear*B-Boys: Everybooooody, yeeeaahh-haah, Rock your booooody-yeeeaaah-haah, Rock, your, booody riiiight, Backstreet's back, ALL RIGHT!Clint: Wait, I take it back. Where's Clay?Chuck: LOL!Narrarator: WTF?Clint: STFU.Narrarator: GTFO my story!Clint: Do you want to die.... punk?Narrarator: Naw, I'm god.God: You lie.Narrarator: *Good.God: Oh, never mind, it was just a typo. Good thing, or I would have had to smite you for blasphemy.*The B-Boys vanish*Chuck: Sorry to interrupt, but what about the comet and the asteroid and the meteor?Clint: Throw me up there, Chuck!*Chuck throws Clint into outer space in an attempt to destroy the asteroid, but wait... why am I describing this? You've already read all the way up to this point, so you SHOULD know why he's being thrown, so- Oh never mind... this was dumb anyways.*Clint: Well, here I go! *He pounds through the first obstacle, and misses the other two by a few inches.*Chuck: Well, I guess it's my turn now. *He launches a rocket into outer space, and holds onto it while it launches, therefore shooting himself up into outer space... Duh... He then blasts through the meteor, leaving only the comet.*Chuck: C'mon Barney, it's your turn now!Barney: Uh... what was I supposed to do? That part was never outlined... besides, you were supposed to throw me up into outer space, but you're not here.... I'm detecting a flaw in this plan...Chuck: ORLY? What about this weird fact; How are we talking if we're separated by 1,000,000 miles of space?*The Offspring appear*Offspring: Gotta keep em' seperated! HEY, HEY YEAH!*They vanish*Barney: Ignoring that, you do know who you are, right?Chuck: Oh yeah... I'm Chuck Norris... DUH!Clint: Hey, I'm glad you're having a nice chat, but what's the solution to the emminent problem?Chuck: Like I know! This is the narrarators area of expertise!Narrarator: Oh, right... Let's see... *He leafs through a book of acceptable plot inserters* Oh, right! *Suddenly the comet explodes, because there was a black hole in its path*Chuck: .............................. That was your brilliant plot insert? You suck.Narrarator: Oh, right... that WAS pretty bad... lemme redo it.*Time rewinds, and instead of a random black hole, a black cat appears, and it gives the comet bad luck. This is good luck for Earth though, as it magically misses us by a few hundred feet.*Clint: ........................... At least the black hole was possible by scientific means. You just linked this story to superstition. Not a good thing.Narrarator: Shut up.*The chapter ends, now that the three objects have been destroyed, or... whatever....*

Chapter 6: Random words that aren't worthy of being a "story".

Narrarator: Well, it's been destroyed, and this is still the lamest excuse for a story ever...Chuck: Well, it's your fault, Mr. Narrarator. Maybe if you laid off the booze, you could tell us a better story!Narrarator: Sorry, but that's unpossible. *He takes a hit off a bong* Besides, I need muh drugzzzz..... *He dies.*Chuck: Well now... The narrarator just died... we need a new one. One that makes sense... one that isn't random... one that doesn't kill himself for no apparent reason... We need....Clay Aiken: Mee-eee-heee?Chuck: Yeah, uh-huh... that's totally what I was going to say... NOT! We need a wise narrarator... someone with affluent javascript skills... someone who plays guitar hero all day long... someone handsome...Clint: Son, where are you going with this? You're making no sense... at all.Chuck: Father.... I was thinking of....*Suddenly the narrarator AKA Me wakes up.*Narrarator: Yawn, what'd I miss?Chuck: WTF? I thought you were dead...?Narrarator: Typo. I was asleep.. remember? The booze... the bong...?Chuck: Ah, well I guess we'll never have that GOOD narrarator...Narrarator: Hehe... hehehehe... AHAHAHAAAA!!!!Chuck: Wait, what did I miss?Narrarator: You fool.... Remember back in chapter 1, when I mentioned I wasn't John the narrarator?Chuck: Yeah.... so?Narrarator: You mean you haven't figured it out yet? I said you would find out who I was "Soon enough", remember?Chuck: Aw man, I forgot!Narrarator: Aha! Looks like the almighty Chuck Norris doesn't have a perfect brain!Chuck: Now wait just a secon-!Narrarator: NEVER, FOOL! Didn't you think it was funny... how your father showed up, right when you needed him? Didn't you think it was strange, when Clay Aiken came back from the dead? When Bob the builder mentioned his "Hard hat" saved his life???Chuck: Come to think of it.... It seemed like you were just being stupid, and writing this story randomly....Narrarator: Ouch, that hurt.... Anyways, NO! I had a purpose all along! To brainwash the readers of this story into thinking it had no cohesive plot, when in fact it DID!!!Chuck: Uh.... You know....Narrarator: I'M NOT FINISHED, CRETIN! Haven't you guessed who I am by now??!! HUH, HUH??!!Chuck: Er, no.... but...Narrarator: I... am... SATAN!!!!Chuck: Dude... I've been trying to tell you for the last 50 seconds.... Thor is right behind you, and he looks mad.Narrarator: Sh**.*Suddenly Thor slams his hammer into the Narrarators chest, sending me flying backwards at 1,000 MPH!*Thor: And you actually thought you could make me magically vanish? Pff. Newb.Chuck: Hey Thor, that was a goo-Narrarator: YOU FOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!! *Suddenly he, I mean I, turns into a sacred fire dragon!!!!*Thor: I killed Ragnarok, and I'll wipe you too!!!Chuck: Uh.... Thor...? You mean "Wipe you off the face of the planet..."Thor: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!!!!Chuck: Er... no... but never mind... Kill him.*The narrarator blows a massive blast of fire into Thors face!!!! DIE!!!*Thor: Anyone feel a breeze?Clint: Definately not.Chuck: Nope.Thor: Oh, it must have just been me.Narrarator: DIEEEEE!!!!! *He slams his tail into Thor's hammer, sending it flying*Thor: NO! The beast disarmed me!!!*Suddenly the Narrarator morphs into... Spiderman...*Chuck: .... Really?... That makes a cohesive plot....?Narrarator: ... .... ..... Shut up. I'm an evil genius!!!*Suddenly Spiderman swings in, and fights the Narrarator, but they both look identical, so Chuck can't tell them apart.*Chuck: Uh, I'm Chuck Norris.... I can easily tell them apart!Narrarator: Then who am I??!!Chuck: Judging by the name tag before your name, you're the narrarator....Narrarator: Godammit....God: What? Whaddya want me to damn? It? What's an it?Narrarator: Jesus Christ, will you shut up, and quit taking everything so literally??!!Jesus: Hey! I didn't say anything! Quit throwing my name around like it's some useless piece of profanity!!!Narrarator: *Mumbles* Apparently it's a piece of something...Jesus: HEY! Don't make me blow you, jackass!God: Uh.... son... it's "Blow you away..." Uhm... not "Blow you"...Jesus: ... ... ...God: Yeah.Narrarator: This story sucks a massive hickey! It's so bad, I'd rather eat donkey crap rolled in cat piss with ice cream melted over the top than read anymore! RAWR! *He turns into a super-omega-powerful-destructo-bot-that-rivals-the-power-of-Doomsday-who-killed-Superman.*Chuck: Oh yeah, this makes for a believeable story.Clint: I smell... fail.Narrarator: And the story ends.THE END.Chuck: HOLD UP! I didn't say it was time to end! WTF kind of narrarator are you??!! This story still has 5 chapters to go! What about my battle against Superman? What about when I slay a demon?? I STILL HAVEN'T KILLED SATAN YET!Narrarator: Uh, that's God's job.Chuck: No, he's just gonna put him in an inescapable pit for a thousand years or so, release him to test humanity's spirituality, and then lock him back up permanently. I have to kill him! What if he escapes??!!Narrarator: Uh... then God can re-lock him back up.... And besides... according to the revelation I just revealed, I AM Satan!!!!Chuck: So, if I kill you, I'll be slaying a demon AND Satan? That's 2 out of 3 right there!*Suddenly Superman flies in at 1,000 MPH and slams into the narrarators chest, killing him instantly, but the narrarator happens to be wearing a golden kryptonite necklace, so Superman loses his powers and dies instantly.*Chuck: Waaaaaaait a minute.... All my goals just killed each other.... this story sucks soooo bad.A duck: Quack.Chuck: ... .... .....A dog: Woof. Bark bark. Bow wow.Chuck: Wait a second, Bow-wow? WTF? Dogs don't make sounds like that!An owl: Whooo whooo.... hoooot....Chuck: Hoot? HoooooT? What's with the "T"? Can owls pronounce it????Rabbit: Meow.Chuck: Time for me to get off the acid.Clint: Excuse me? ARE YOU DOING DRUGS, BOOOOOY????Chuck: NO PAW! I AIN'T DOIN' NO DRUGS!Clint: I haaaate liars.... I'ma whoop yer sorry butt all the way back to Little China!Chuck: Ahm sarry paw! Okay, wait, these hillbilly accents are ridiculous.Clint: Yeah, really. WTF? Did I grow up in Utah or something? Hehehe, hheehhe....Dude from Utah: Escuze me? You insultan mah brothers?Chuck: THIS STORY SUCKS SO BAD STOP READING THE NARRARATOR IS OBVIOUSLY JUST MAKING UP RANDOM CRAP TO SEE IF YOU'LL KEEP READING! Besides, the sequel won't suck. I declare an end to this epic crappy story. Please wait patiently for the sequel if you haven't vomited yet. No really, go away. We don't want none. Dude, seriously, go away. I'm not even kidding. DUDE! QUIT READING THE DAMN STORY!Dog: Meow bark woof quack some crap and eat some donkey ****.THE END NO REALLY IT'S THE END STOP READING IT'S ALL DONE DONE NOW AND THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO READ SO STOP ALREADY BYE!

I'm.... sorry... but I hoped it at least made someone crack a half cocked semi-medium-wide grin... At least it followed the laws of basic english grammar right?

[xtiana roy]

Well I do love writing. But I'm a lazy writer. I mean if I don't have any ideas, I tend to write after a long period of time but when I do, I write a lot.

[Mysterie]

I'm not so good with stories, but I do write poetry and song lyrics.

[stupigbearbear]

well, i am a good writer in my mother tongue language in topics of fantasy and scientific reports.. but not really English, even though my standard was considered not that bad across my cohort. haha

[Ryoujin]

I used to write poems for our School Newspaper. But those days are gone