281 replies to this topic

[=Σηινιχηιλεε=]

My poem is called Grandma's Caged BirdI couldn't think of a theme I epic failMy grandmother once had a bird who would sing all day longthough it sat on no branchso I asked her out of quriosityGrandma why does the caged bird sing?She answered me "Why do diamonds gleem in the ruff?Why do pearls shine under pressure?Why do rocks sparkle when they are weathered?"I didn't fully understand her so I asked again to get a clearer answerGrandma why does the caged bird sing?She replied "Why are my people struggling?Why do my women have no husband?Why do my brothers carry weapons?And I still couldn't understandso I asked her again.Grandma why does the caged bird sing?"Why is my homeland in poverty?Why do my children hunger?Why do I myself trye by fire?Why does that little bird sing?Is it in hopes it would be freed?Though he'll never know when that'll comeIs the thought of it making him hum?Then grandma started to humthen grandma started to singso I asked herGrandma why do you sing/She said "Because these songs were my guideThey are the maps that lead me through the night."Then she said "They are also my only offeringto the One who'll set me free.

Review: It sounds more like a story than a poem. But good choice of words though...15/15% for choose of words and Title30/30% for the theme conception7/10% for grammar and composition15/20% for originality and improvisation15/25% for that extra artistic and poetic "feel"82%. Not that bad, only that it sounds like a story.umm, i shall be updating this since synmuh is inactive.. The new theme is, 'music'

[Synmuh Zurh]

Thanks shinichilee for making this thread alive even when I'm gone.. ^^, a typhoon struck our country so internet access is scarce..For the Music,"You have a Note"by Synmuh Zurh JynuhThe Urge in breakingthe silent wind of changingwants you to movean utterly groveNights shatteringeveryones alivenot all of this are conceptionsto a music lover delightas we go on for the funI lay and shade my sweat awaydancing all the waywith the music all day..

[=Σηινιχηιλεε=]

synmuh: Sorry to hear that. There are no casualties right?Evil and good music.Music,is a sound,that entertains us allThat gives unlimited powerand strength To those who need it.Music, keeps people company,Forbidding them,to be alone.Some music may have bad intentions,while some may have good ones.Depending on their intentions,they are either appreciated,or unacknowledged. Instruments,are the ones that create musicThey are normally meant for happiness,harmony, self-esteem,But some can be used for malevolence.For me,Music is relaxing and soothing,and helps me to think.It also keeps me company, whenever I am alone.Now,I advise you,to think before you act,to listen to good or bad music.PS: I don't think anyone understands 'bad music'. Let me provide the definition of that. Subliminial messages can be inputted into music, which goes into the subconscious mind. For more details, please go to the website, http://www.famax.com.my/ . This website belongs to my father. If your parents want to purchase any of it, please pm me. I'll try and reply as soon as i can.

[Synmuh Zurh]

there will be a mass update this in this thread guys.. i will review the poems that haven't been reviewed yet, and will update the score and rating board..'

[=Σηινιχηιλεε=]

synmuh, there's only one question... when? You've been not updating this thread for quite some time....

[Synmuh Zurh]

i submitted something but i forgot it needed to have a theme so...oops

yeah, theme is very important.. ^^, next update in sunday..

[=Σηινιχηιλεε=]

well, what you say has sense, but, peoms are supposed to be poetical. Poets like Robert Frost and stuff is exceptional, as he can express his stories in a poetic way. It's not that i'm saying that you're not good, wolfsister, but, you hadn't achieve the level of poets that can express stories that way.

[Synmuh Zurh]

(modding this thread) I agree with Wolf sister that some great poems are ideally a story telling kind of interpretations of what your inner perspective of every bit of it.. the very essence and foundation of very great work..and now calm down you too.. =) each has its own unique way of interpreting things..List of current poems in this thread:chasingcars

LION IN THE NIGHT

shinichilee

Basketball Wolf Howler Dgemu Burn Life and death The Forgotten Dead The skyearthuniverse The lifeless body The unknown colour I don't care Freedom Evil and good music

bumbleb141

BasketBall Shadow and Secrets The canal endless She tries Air

Mate_O

Epinephrine

Haken

Tree

mhogy

The Blind Fish

zaid87

Sweet smile of yourS

MelloPanda

Darkness falls

Leonfang

As Mercy Flows

altron2095

Confessions of the new dreamtime

Acessa

I know you Just a Gamer

MalcomX

Grandma's Caged Bird

Guys, i will put a rating for your overall work ratings and the total general ratings that you give to other poets..Have a nice day! -Synmuh Zurh

Edited by Synmuh Zurh, 06 July 2008 - 02:30 AM.

[=Σηινιχηιλεε=]

that's real nice list... Well, i hope you can finish up the ratings soon!

[Synmuh Zurh]

*smile* thanks for answering my question, Shinicilee , I really appreciate it. It helps me understand it more.LOL, I was just curious. I didn't mean it sound like an argument.

Well, keep it up guys! ^^, let's make this thread alive and going!New theme: Haikuwell preserve diverse poems of them all..Subject is ETERNITY..Now how can you express an infinite statement in a short, cut kind of poem (The Haiku)This is a challenge! Good Luck!Prize:An image badge that you can put in your signature as recognition in the said event..Contest will start when there are 3 post given (1 post, 1 competitor)Contest will end 5 days after the start of the said contest.

Edited by Synmuh Zurh, 15 July 2008 - 04:00 PM.

[Synmuh Zurh]

You shouldn't tell the concepts base on the theme guys. Leaves no mystery in your work but hey, new readers can understand them.. but I don't mind..Poems are vast never ending creations that each of us has a different point in every poem created..only one poem left to start the contest but submissions in that 5 day duration after the starting point are still accepted..1st bump for more contestants..2nd bump for more contestants..

Edited by Synmuh Zurh, 22 July 2008 - 02:07 AM.

[=Σηινιχηιλεε=]

A haiku? I don't even know one actually...Anyway, i'll try.Disappears within darknessVanishes for once and for allThe eternal darknessThat hides all

Edited by =Σηινιχηιλεε=, 29 July 2008 - 04:04 PM.

[Synmuh Zurh]

Contest started, Deadline for submission of entries are on August 3 2008.The contest is still open for submissions.3rd bump for more submissions..It's exactly August 4, 2008 @ 9:15 pm (my own time)Submission is now closed.Results will be posted in the next 7 days, approximately August 11, 2008.Wish you good luck guys!To kill the time, the thread will go on.Difficulty:AverageNext theme: BlueCreate a poem that tell its blue!Catch: Do not use this words*Blue*color

[=Σηινιχηιλεε=]

The Sacred BlueThe vast sea,the dark night,the liquid of all time...What may it be?Who may it be?Where is it?Everyone yearned for it,looked for it,yet did not notice it,which are all around us.What is this,that they're looking for?It is the appearance,of those things...The appearance that calms and soothes one's heart,the appearance that the era has yearned for.

[=Σηινιχηιλεε=]

pretty good, zinnerisme, but i think.... it's more about love or something..