Yes!! in most cases we are defined by our parents, seeing that people expect us to fallow in their footsteps
Are we defined by our parents.
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Guest_criptic saint
, Aug 30 2008 07:19 PM
32 replies to this topic
#2
Guest_DeinKonig
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Posted 31 August 2008 - 01:47 AM
From the way you started this off (mostly just stating your opinion) this looks more like a general discussion, not much of a debate. Be that as it may, I agree with you. It could happen multiple ways, however. For example: if your father were an alcoholic, you could swear never to touch alcohol and go in the complete opposite direction.Yes!! in most cases we are defined by our parents, seeing that people expect us to fallow in their footsteps
#3
Guest_DogBackward
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Posted 31 August 2008 - 03:28 AM
Yes, and no.On the one hand, during the formative years, almost everything about us is determined by the way our parents treat us, how they teach us, and so on. Once school starts up, however, I think that's a much bigger influence, unless your parents are incredibly strict or over-protective. You spend at least half the day in school with friends, not-friends, teachers and the like, and most kids spend quite a bit of time on after-school activities, be they school-related or simply hanging out with friends. It's at this point that, if a child is going to diverge from their parents, they will. Usually, anyway.The amount of media; books, TV, radio (music) and video games a child gets access to also helps to decide the direction of their development. Not neccessarily in a bad way, as many detractors claim; I was raised on classical console RPG's and heroic adventure games, and grew up with a deep love for a good story, interesting personalities and a well-developed sense of justice, morals and loyalty. Mostly from the video games I played, as my mother unfortunately had to work two jobs to keep my sister and I from starving. I saw all sorts of bullying and violence in school, which only reinforced my protective and moral instincts, and the few friends I had were true friends indeed, which again reinforced my sense of loyalty and family.So, while I get along great with my mother, and I love 'er, most of my development came from school, friends and video games. My sister, on the other hand, fell in with a group of kids in school that weren't all that nice, and into drugs and other such nastiness (I'm not talking about the tame stuff like weed, either). She turned abrasive, mildly abusive, and aggresive, where she had once been the classic sweet little girl. After she finished school and started spending mroe time at home with my mother and I, she started hanging out with her "friends" less and less, and has actually turned into a rather decent li'l sister.So yeah, I think your parents can have a big impact on your development... if they're involved at all times, during all stages of your life. Otherwise, it's the other factors around you; friends, schoolmates, teachers, and the media that have the biggest impact on your growth.
#4
Guest_greene
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Posted 31 December 2008 - 03:17 AM
I think that a lot of people define us by who our parents are if they know our parents but not ourself. I also think that the upbringing our parents give us help develop us nto the person we become later in life, so yeah our pparents define who we are.
#5
Guest_Saucepanman
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Posted 13 June 2009 - 06:30 AM
Definitely not.We are who we want to be.It is my contention that our parents impart to us their knowledge and lessons they have learnt to us. it is up to us what we learn from them, and then we use that knowledge to become who we want to be.As stated above, if a parent is an alcoholic, we learn how bad it is and dont drink. Similarly, if you admire a parent for a particular reason, you will imitate the things they do that you believe enable them to achieve what it is you like about them.You are who you want to be, it is up to your parents to enlighten you on the options.
#6
Guest_spiralbond
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Posted 13 June 2009 - 12:16 PM
I'll have to say that we are partly defined by our parents, only partly. As it was stated earlier, you cannot ignore influences which may be greater, such as school, friends and the media. I believe that no further elaboration is needed. Also, we are clear on the more surface type of argument here (that is that if a parent likes fishing, you may end up fishing too), and even the flip side (how you may turn out to swear off alcohol after having an alcoholic parent). But we are neglecting something that defines us subconsciously; our habits. We may pick up a lot of things from our parents that we don't even realise; like how someone may do an invisible air check-list when handling tasks just because his/her mother did it. It may not seem like a big thing, but all these small things accumulate to become part of our identity, without us even knowing that we got them from our parents. Lastly, our whole belief system can be defined based on the types of lives our parents live. It is not even a belief system that parents try to instill, but a more subconscious one. To illustrate this point, a child may see his father go to work in the morning, and only reappear in the evening to be pampered by the wife, saying little about his day and responding very little to everyone. As such he may be led to believe that males are meant to be stoic and dominant in a family environment. Also, this might cause a further dysfunctional situation in which the child himself, after growing into an adult and having a family of his own, is uncomfortable with interacting with his own children due to the lack of interaction he received as a child himself. To sum it up, I believe that parents define us on a subconscious level, to an extent that we are often unaware of.
#7
Guest_celease
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Posted 13 June 2009 - 04:59 PM
In a way we are defined by our parents not just because our genes have been passed down by them but also because of their constant environmental influence on our lives. Our parents are constant bulwarks in our childhoods and pre-adult lives. If you are with them almost 24/7, they are bound to have an influence on your way of thinking, your actions, decisions, and future relationships outside of family. We all are initially defined by our parents, but it's our choice whether we want to follow their footsteps.
#8
Guest_Saucepanman
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Posted 16 June 2009 - 07:05 AM
I agree with everything you've said, but would like to add to it, using your example of the father being pampered by the wife.As well as this influence, the child could/would see other families (either on TV and real life) and see the experiences that family has. Thus, as the child matures it would adopt behaviours that he/she agreed with. However, I concede that the most influential behaviours would most likely the child's own father/mother.My apologies if that is what you inferred initially when you mentioned the "other influences".I'll have to say that we are partly defined by our parents, only partly. As it was stated earlier, you cannot ignore influences which may be greater, such as school, friends and the media. I believe that no further elaboration is needed. Also, we are clear on the more surface type of argument here (that is that if a parent likes fishing, you may end up fishing too), and even the flip side (how you may turn out to swear off alcohol after having an alcoholic parent). But we are neglecting something that defines us subconsciously; our habits. We may pick up a lot of things from our parents that we don't even realise; like how someone may do an invisible air check-list when handling tasks just because his/her mother did it. It may not seem like a big thing, but all these small things accumulate to become part of our identity, without us even knowing that we got them from our parents. Lastly, our whole belief system can be defined based on the types of lives our parents live. It is not even a belief system that parents try to instill, but a more subconscious one. To illustrate this point, a child may see his father go to work in the morning, and only reappear in the evening to be pampered by the wife, saying little about his day and responding very little to everyone. As such he may be led to believe that males are meant to be stoic and dominant in a family environment. Also, this might cause a further dysfunctional situation in which the child himself, after growing into an adult and having a family of his own, is uncomfortable with interacting with his own children due to the lack of interaction he received as a child himself. To sum it up, I believe that parents define us on a subconscious level, to an extent that we are often unaware of.
#9
Guest_Guardian Dragon Lord
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Posted 16 June 2009 - 06:24 PM
What a question. The way it is stated makes it a statement, not a question. Anyways, no our parents only define us when we are young and sheltered by them. They give us a religion, a political background and so on, but when we grow older we start to see things in a different light than our parents. We start to look at issues for ourselves. Our parents can give us a base but they can not define who we are once we begin to look at things for ourselves, when our parents let us take off the "kiddy glasses."
#10
reddeath26
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Posted 16 June 2009 - 11:49 PM
Could you explain what you mean, by their genes having an influence. As I am quite interested to know if you have anything specific in mind, in regards to that point (i.e some people believe intellect is decided by genes)In a way we are defined by our parents not just because our genes have been passed down by them but also because of their constant environmental influence on our lives. Our parents are constant bulwarks in our childhoods and pre-adult lives. If you are with them almost 24/7, they are bound to have an influence on your way of thinking, your actions, decisions, and future relationships outside of family. We all are initially defined by our parents, but it's our choice whether we want to follow their footsteps.
#11
Guest_locallegend
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Posted 17 June 2009 - 08:30 AM
I think it depends on how much of an influence they were on you. We're defined by our personality and actions, which develop from outside influences such as friends, family, and events. So if you idolized your parents there is a good chance you will emulate them in your adult life.
#12
Guest_castor41
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Posted 22 June 2009 - 05:34 PM
I think there are lot of things taht are defined by our parents. For exemple, lots of parents who are hurting their children, were hurting themselves by their own parents. But, it is all the difficulty to create for each one his own personality. When we are growing, and more when we are working, our own personality is building. That's not meaning that the personality of our parents is disappearing, but we are changing, sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a wrong way ...We have to keep the good aspect of the personaly of our parents and to change the wrong aspect ... Here is the challenge !
#13
Guest_Lithos
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Posted 22 June 2009 - 06:41 PM
You can see your parents as something you want to aspire to be or something you would rebel against. Either way I think they do attribute to how you turn out. like it or not.
#14
Guest_d.barnes
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Posted 22 June 2009 - 09:43 PM
i being the kind of person that never.wanted to be like my dad, have now realized.that no matter how hard we try we are defined by our parents.its just impossible.you spend the most impressionable years of our lives with them.so its pretty damn hard to get past that kinda stuff.just what i think you know.
#15
Guest_midorimidori
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Posted 17 August 2009 - 09:51 AM
I believe that we are not defined by our parents, but are deeply influenced. My mother has deeply influenced me in ways where I see myself, my morals and beliefs as almost reflections of hers.GPs were deducted for this post, please read the rules! - reddeath26
#16
Guest_surrealasm
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Posted 19 August 2009 - 03:31 AM
This argument is a basis of psychology called nature vs. nurture.Either way, our parents (biological or not) are the basis of our personality.The debate is whether genes make the difference,or if our parents beating us makes the difference.Honestly I think the environment we're raised in, the choices we make and the way we're rewarded shape our behavior more than anything.After all, we're just memories built on memories built on memories.
#17
Guest_'The Spider' Silva
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Posted 24 August 2009 - 07:23 PM
We are not defined by our parents our parents are defined by us. Our parents mold us the best they can and ultimately what you do as a person directly reflects on them and how they raised you. So bottom line. Dont embarrass your parents.GPs were deducted for this post, please read the rules! - reddeath26
#18
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Posted 25 August 2009 - 04:42 PM
What we are now are based on our surroundings, even if we do not wish it, our mind picks up things from the environment and without noticing it, we follow it. As we spend most of our lives with our parents, we sometimes automatically follow what they do, and think it is right. It takes a strong willpower to resist not changing to the environment, for example a noisy environment filled with shouts and screams makes a person want to scream to, and think it is correct to do so as everyone else is doing the same thing. When we are young, we do not have this willpower, thus without discrimination we absorb the attitudes of our parents.
#19
Guest_2bigpigs
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Posted 26 August 2009 - 07:10 PM
Yeah I mostly agree with him.Here are my thoughts.We are defined to some extent by our parents. Humans like many animals learn things by mimicing their parents. Similiarly we imitate our parents Our basic character is formed during the age of 2-7 So at that time we copy everything including their behaviour and make it part of us. So we are who we are Not only because of our parents But also anyone who is close to us or we like.But Most of it is from our parents.People who know our parents would probably like that kind of people so they like us and expect us to be like them.When we are little our parents look after us and speak for us so they give people their view of us. While people who we meet (when we are older&independent) who don’t know our parents won’t have any different definition of us other than who we are.What we are now are based on our surroundings, even if we do not wish it, our mind picks up things from the environment and without noticing it, we follow it. As we spend most of our lives with our parents, we sometimes automatically follow what they do, and think it is right. It takes a strong willpower to resist not changing to the environment, for example a noisy environment filled with shouts and screams makes a person want to scream to, and think it is correct to do so as everyone else is doing the same thing. When we are young, we do not have this willpower, thus without discrimination we absorb the attitudes of our parents.
#20
Guest_Billiam9
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Posted 04 September 2009 - 11:05 PM
I would seriously hope not.While it may be true that our parents shape our early habits and beliefs,around teenage years adolescents usually try to "blaze their own trail" and find themselves,hence the "rebellious stage." After this stage,i believe we are our own people.Similarities in personality can be seen as agreement,rather than cookie-cutter people.
#21
Guest_matchan2
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Posted 05 September 2009 - 07:47 PM
ARE WE DEFINED BY OUR PARENTRS? you ask.. Yes we are! people that were abused when they were young end up abusing other. People that were yelled at end up yelling at other. Do you see the pattern???!? We take on the actions of our parents becuase thats what we first saw and learned when we were young 
#22
Guest_krazy_kallum
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Posted 26 September 2009 - 01:47 AM
yes and no, if they are your mentors then you will look to them for guidance, however, if they are bad role models and you don't necesarily agree with them etc then you may choose pursue a different pathway in life.
#23
Guest_Alesmus
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Posted 26 September 2009 - 03:43 AM
Parents are by far the most influential thing in a humans life, for better or for worse. Lets think about a dog for example, you give him a biscuit and tell him to sit, he will do it because he knows there is a reward/punishment. It is exactly the same for humans. "Do your homework or you are grounded." "Go to university or else you'll be miserable."Humans are easy to play with, and mostly when they are still growing. Who spends most time with children when they are growing, when they are ripe for implanting ideas? Parents. Thus they are the biggest influence. Don't mistake me, I am not saying it is a bad thing, just that that is the way it is.
#24
rocky19
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Posted 26 September 2009 - 04:39 AM
Okay, I agree with the part that parents are influential. I also agree that reward/punishment is an effective tool that parents use to keep their children in check. However, I disagree that humans are easy to play with, especially during the teen years. During the teen years, we tend to be rebellious and tend to reject any advices that parents give us. Furthermore, the school could actually play an even larger role in defining us, since school has children of about the same age. Thus, we have a tendency of getting influenced by our fellow peers during those years. Besides, reward/punishment is by no means the most effective tools of influence. In some cases, observation and imprinting plays an even larger role in influencing who we are.You have been awarded bonus GPs for this post. reddeath26Parents are by far the most influential thing in a humans life, for better or for worse. Lets think about a dog for example, you give him a biscuit and tell him to sit, he will do it because he knows there is a reward/punishment. It is exactly the same for humans. "Do your homework or you are grounded." "Go to university or else you'll be miserable."Humans are easy to play with, and mostly when they are still growing. Who spends most time with children when they are growing, when they are ripe for implanting ideas? Parents. Thus they are the biggest influence. Don't mistake me, I am not saying it is a bad thing, just that that is the way it is.
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#25
Guest_stefaneko
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Posted 26 September 2009 - 08:14 AM
I haven't studied psychology extensively, but from what I understand of it a large part of our personality is actually genetic. For example, pairs of identical twins were separated at birth, adopted by very different families, and then reunited at adulthood. Their personalities, jobs, and even spouses were very similar. This proves that some part, if not all, of our personality is determined before we're even born.Of course, growing up with these people also helps. Every person can attest to sharing at least one learned trait from their parent, whether it be sense of humour, work ethic, or punctuality. However, I don't think that we are limited by our parents. We can change who we are if we are dissatisfied with it. We can resolve to never make the mistakes our parents made. In a way, we are our parents reborn, with some of the wisdom they have gained through experience.
